Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Before and After - Bathroom

I'd say the shitter is about 85%. Done or not, it was our first tile job, and boy did we need it. It took about two days, one upset stomach, and nearly carnal knowledge of our not-new toilet to get it done. Please excuse the lack of tact in the following post, sometimes you just need to stoop to a lower level to get your point across.

Bottom line is that bathrooms are bathrooms; there is nothing sanitary about them. Yes, people wash their hands, face and whatever else they can fit in the sink there, but that is only for one reason: they have to. The reality is when you do your business in there, a little bit at a time, it gets everywhere. Linoleum is strong stuff, but after ten plus years of action you better believe something is going to soak through. While peeling up the floor, with gloved hands brandishing a crowbar, I hit a soft spot in the linoleum releasing a 'special' smell that will be forever imprinted in my mind. "Don't puke, don't puke," was all could think as I stumbled away audibly gagging. I have a pretty strong stomach, but I couldn't go near that place till I had the front door open and a fan in hand. Like a shield fending off a fire breathing dragon, that fan was my holy reliquary of safety. I think I nearly didn't escape with my health.

Day two... tile. Tiling a floor is no joke, you're on your knees for hours laying goup and setting tiles. Not only is it back-breaking work but it's messy and finicky, and when you are working in the bathroom, toilets are involved. When I say involved, I mean face smooshed on the side of, and sweaty arms wrapped around, we're talking hands freakin' on. At one point I was sitting on the toilet backward, no seat cover mind you, bear-hugging the upper-deck to take some measurements and placing a few tiles. "Dude! Ross, check me out! Talk about hugging the toilet!" Cracking up, Ross said, "Yeah, I don't think you could be closer to that thing if you were puking in it."

All in all we got the job done, almost. It still needs to be grouted and the base needs to be done, but it's looking great and I'm feeling like I trekked across the Bog of Eternal Stench during the rainy season. For those of you in this world that do this kind of thing on a regular basis, my hat is off to you.

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